First message ideas that actually get replies

Most first messages on dating apps are some version of "hi", "hello po" or a single waving hand. They are not wrong, exactly. They just hand all the work to the other person, who now has to invent a whole conversation out of one word. Plenty of people won't bother, and it isn't personal.

The fix is simple: send something that is easy to answer. That's the entire secret. Everything below is a variation on it.

Why "hi" doesn't work

Picture your match opening the app on a jeepney ride home. They have a few new messages. One says "hey". Another says, "Okay, important question: is the Maginhawa food crawl in your profile a weekly thing or a special occasion?" Which one do they answer first?

The second message shows you actually read their profile, gives them something specific to talk about, and has a bit of personality. It took fifteen seconds longer to write.

The formula: notice, then ask

Look at their photos and bio and find one specific thing. Mention it, then ask a question about it. That's it.

• Notice: a place, a hobby, a food, a pet, a strong opinion, a funny line in their bio.
• Ask: an open question they can answer in one or two sentences, not a yes or no.

Open questions keep things moving. "Do you like hiking?" gets "Yes." "What's the best view you've hiked to so far?" gets a story.

First message examples you can use

When they mention food

• "Your bio says you'll drive an hour for good kinilaw. I need the name of the place, and I need to know if it's worth the drive."
• "Settle a debate for me: is Jollibee spaghetti a dessert or a main course?"
• "Okay, batchoy over brunch. Bold. Where's the best one you've had?"

When they mention travel or a place

• "Is that Batanes in your third photo? Every time I see pictures of it I say I'll go 'next year'. Was it as good as it looks?"
• "You're from Iloilo but living in Manila. What do you miss most from home?"

When they mention a hobby

• "You do pottery! How many lopsided bowls before you made one you were proud of?"
• "Fellow K-drama person. What's the one you'd make me watch first?"

When their profile is short

Some profiles give you almost nothing. Use a photo, or ask a light, fun question that works for anyone:

• "Your dog looks like he runs the household. What's his name?"
• "Quick one: perfect Sunday, start to finish. Go."
• "If you could eat only one ulam for a month, what would it be?"

In Taglish, if that's how you talk

• "Uy, Baguio girl ka pala! Strawberry taho or ube jam, kung isa lang ang puwede?"
• "Sabi mo sa bio, competitive ka sa Scrabble. Gaano ka-competitive, as in nag-aaway kayo ng kapatid mo?"

Write the way you actually speak. If your bio is in Taglish and your opener reads like a cover letter, it feels off.

Openers to avoid

• Anything only about looks. "You're so pretty" is nice to hear and almost impossible to reply to. Comment on something they chose to share instead.
• Copy-paste lines. If it would work on every profile, it says nothing about this one.
• Interviews. Five questions in one message feels like a job application. Ask one.
• Anything sexual. It isn't bold, it's a fast way to get reported. Unwanted sexual messages can also count as online harassment under the Safe Spaces Act.
• Asking for their number or socials right away. Let the conversation earn it.

What if they reply with one word?

Give it one more honest try with a different question. If the next answer is short too, they may be busy, shy, or not that interested, and all three are fine. Don't send a string of follow-ups. Shift your energy to the matches who are talking back. (If they disappear entirely, we wrote about ghosting and how not to take it personally.)

When to send it

Sooner is better. A match that sits untouched for a week tends to go cold, because both of you assume the other lost interest. If you matched, send something within a day.

Time of day matters less than people think, but evenings are when most people are relaxed and scrolling. A message sent at 9 p.m. on a weeknight is more likely to start a real back-and-forth than one sent at 7 a.m. on a Monday, when they're squeezed onto the MRT.

The second message matters too

Getting a reply is half the job. The other half is not letting the conversation die on message three. When they answer your opener, don't just say "haha nice." React to what they said, add something of your own, and ask one more question.

For example, if you asked about their favourite batchoy and they named a place in La Paz: "Noted, adding it to my list. I've only had the mall version, which I'm guessing you'd consider a crime. What's the trick, the broth or the chicharon?" You've shown you listened, admitted something about yourself, and given them an easy reason to keep going.

Keeping the conversation going

After the opener, the goal is a back-and-forth where both of you share a little. A few habits help:

• Answer their question, then add something about yourself, then ask one back.
• Pick up on details. If they mention their lola's sinigang, ask about it later.
• Don't drag a good conversation on for weeks. Once it flows, suggest a video call or a short, public meet-up.

A different kind of first message: Her Challenge

On Liyag, women can post a Her Challenge: one question, answered by up to ten men, judged without names or photos. For men, it's the purest test of a first message there is. Answer the actual question, be specific, keep it short. For women, it means fewer "hi" messages and more answers worth reading.

Your profile matters as much as your opener, since it's what other people use to start conversations with you. Here's how to write a profile that gets replies.

Quick answers